When I chose a female lead, an Indian, Muslim woman, divorced and living in Gauteng, as my lead I did it with the intention of questioning our morality. Everywhere you turn everyone has a comment on morality. People are labelled and classed according their actions. It seems almost part of human nature to box people so that our minds are able to make sense of it all.
You have the whore, the drug addict, the wife beater, the alcoholic, the womaniser, the cheat the ... the list is virtually endless. If society has two sets of rules, one for men and one for women, being Indian and Muslim means a different level of enforcement for men and for women.
I thought I knew and saw it all when I developed the character. I didn’t. Because life is not clear cut, a lesson I only really learned in my 30’s. I am ashamed to say I am a late developer in that regard.
Indian men I am ashamed to say missed the memo on the fact that most modern women are not like their mothers. They have jobs, they have minds of their owns and they pretty much feel confident saying no to you when they choose to. Indian men seemed to have been raised to think that having a penis was like being born with some royal sceptre and it entitles us to think for those without the proverbial “rod of knowledge.” Some women like that sort of thing. I once dated a girl who said I would never fit into her family. Men in her family told the women how to dress and how to cook etc. Surprisingly she wasn’t Indian but it was there. She was well educated, an economist. But she still felt obliged to play subservient.
Indian Muslim men though tend to see marriage as a transaction. Admittedly that is a gross generalisation. But most Indian men seem to be believe they are now the proud owner of a vagina and pair of boobs and that useless piece of skin housing the alleged personality. She must do X and she must do Y. If customary practices have become perceived as old fashioned then it’s a short resort to religious injunction. “It says ABCD in this verse of religious text. Therefore you are obliged to perform these as they are your religious obligation.” I have yet to meet anyone who can out argue God. But religion practiced through the filter of cultural and customary bullshit comes out smelling like manure. It’s just a means of subjugation for a culture long overdue for an upgrade and proper application of the collective mind.
The last thing is that most men when they get married want someone who doesn’t threaten their house of cards perception of the world. I see many incredible women who have suffered because Indian man thought he was getting X and instead got something else that made him running into his mom’s apron crying about how the girls were not playing nice with him. Yes you fuckers know who you are. The only problem is that these bullies have somehow come to represent all Indian men which makes me want to take a hammer and go back in time and whack the parents of these pratts on the head at the point when they decided to get naked.
Because by virtue of being an Indian men it is assumed I am looking for a woman who can cook like mom, clean like a made and who fucks like a champ in the dark behind closed doors. In public she will take small steps walking behind me and never looking up and always agreeing with me.
If you’re going to marry for the wrong reasons then guess what? It’s not a marriage and you will come to that realisation sooner rather than later. So that woman who can stand him because he makes her dry heave but can go into self hypnosis because he is all platinum card. Getting married because of external pressure qualifies as wrong decisions. So does putting an expiry date, caste, race, nationality. Basically if it can be lost in this world and it’s a prerequisite, you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself.
The moment someone attaches a cash price to their supposed happy ever after I reckon you’re dicing with your life. Then people are all shocked when cold money and status does not a happy marriage make.
I’m not going to pick on women but suffice to say that everyone has a choice to some extent to be happy. People often lament that divorce is becoming more prevalent, that in the old days couples stayed married for longer. But times have changed and men and women need to change with it. Culturally doesn’t mean diluting your faith with modernity. It means taking it all seriously and making a conscious decision. Not looking at temporary and fleeting aspects and believing it will be sufficient.
My 2c worth. Shallow bastards beware.