The Organ Harvester

If you don't like animals

2012-01-20T03:01:00.000-08:00

You can honestly go and fuck yourself with a broken bottle. Some people get pets, some people don't. Some people can't understand why people look after their animals. I can't understand how they can permit unlicenced breeding especially when you consider what a piece dumb doos shit some folks are.

OK so I am a little pissed off. Mainly because animals can't speak for themselves, and because animals/our pets committed some grave sin they have been stuck with us, Humans to speak for them. Sure pet owners go a little "tilt" over their precious members of the family, but what I found is that pet owners are honest, we have been taught by our pets to understand what unconditional love is, that it's not always necessary to open your mouth to express yourself and that life's simplicities are undervalued.

This week the vet said that my dog should be put down. She lived a good life but her legs are damaged. German Shepherds are known for suffering with hind leg problems as they get older. What is odd is that although she is not as active as she once was, she didn't have a problem until late last week. She is otherwise healthy so why on earth don't vets offer a solution other than the needle of death. I've had to put dogs down before. One had cancer and it broke me. He was one of those gentleman dogs. Never cried, never moaned. He was an adopted pet after his owners had decided to get rid of him because he was too old. Even as they took him his away he maintained this air about him.

Hearing that my dog was a hopeless case broke me in half. If you can't understand how an animal can have more value in your life than a relative then don't ask. Luckily for me I have a decent memory and remembered a former client who works with animals. It might not be much, but it's hope. That's all we can ask for. Besides my dog is strong, healthy and if her legs are the problem then we can sure as hell find a way to get her better.

Dogs have taught me that you can't trust someone who doesn't respect life. People who go around beating up animals and shooting them and abusing them because they think that makes them tough stuff are one step away from karma's steel cap boot.

So can I ask that you please say a prayer for my dog and that she pulls through. I don't usually ask for this sort of thing but this is out of my hands now.

H

Alles is uitge-halaal

2012-01-18T01:46:00.000-08:00

Halaal certification is a necessity in a country where there is such a diversity and where Muslims do not form the majority of the political and cultural will. There are no laws to oblige meat packers to only serve halaal meat. However, with a community as small as the Muslim Community in South Africa, and for a country as geographically small as South Africa, it is hard to argue that Halaal certification is anything but a commercial venture.

And that is indicative of the divided community here. Granted no community is always united. But there is this perception that one Halaal certification body is better than the other. Here are my questions:

1. If Halaal certification is not about making money out of peddling fear to the local Muslim community, why do we need 4 bodies to certify that what we consume is halaal?

2. If the integrity of any organisation is in question should there no be a process where evidence can publicly presented so that these organisation are removed from certifying halaal?

3. Does one certification carry more authority than the other?

4. Why does milk have to be certified?

5. Is there a movement to have everything certified, including products where there would be question. For example – sugar?

6. Is there a target quota for businesses to be certified?

7. Is there a Turf war between SANHA (Crips), MJC (Bloods), NIHT (Kings), ICSA (North Side Boys) where if a venue or product is certified by an organisation other than one’s own gang, the product or venue is considered doubtful?

8. Do any of the halaal certification bodies care about the members of the Muslim community?

Frankly, the whole thing stinks of people who are in the know manipulating the masses by using collective guilt, erroneous religious injunctions (READ: when it suits them). How do we justify the certifying of water? This is a service performed and billed for which leads me to the conclusion that halaal certification is purely a money making operation which benefits from the strict requirements regarding what food and drink maybe consumed. It is that simple but has seen Muslim engaging in long winded scientific debates around the insects used in the glazing of whatever. Really?

The real problem is that for a long time many Muslims have lost patience with many of our certification bodies because of their internal petty politics. Remember the Rainbow Chickens debacle. Chickens were declared non-halaal but only because certain key people were having a tiff. Now how in the hell is that keeping within the spirit of the religion when you create doubt based purely on your need to put pressure on someone else.

Let me continue. There are some Muslim people who will not eat anything unless it has the specific halaal stamp. So for example a friend at University would not eat anything with an MJC stamp because he considered their certification dubious. I question where that doubt originated from as if he only saw SANHA then why the doubt? Brand loyalty? Loyalty card points? Who knows.

Further information dissemination has further led to doubts in the minds of the greater community over the credibility of these organisations. Mail messaging claiming to represent these bodies would often be forwarded at rapid speeds: “Don’t drink Coke, it is the blood of Palestinians, Coke is Haraam because it contains alcohol, it contains cocaine, don’t support X because they support Israel.” These are good causes but, it should be a matter of choice and conscience and not be slipped into the same stream of halaal/haram consumption. As MJ pointed out many moons ago on his blog, Coca Cola South Africa employs a significant number of people directly and indirectly and boycotting them here would directly result in hardship for local people. Further, it is sugar water and it tastes like it should, not that crack sweat people serve at weddings. (Koo-ee. WTF?)

We need halaal certification in South Africa but a single body and not multiple entities all screaming H-Unit!!! (Like G-Unit but with an H). We need consistency and we need to restore integrity into Halaal certification and trust into Muslim consumers.

The OH

2012-01-16T03:02:00.000-08:00

Do you get a lot of this: You call the person a douche bag but on Facebook you can't wait to be their BFF? I can't go into too much detail without someone thinking this is about them. Surely though if you don't like someone, and you say enough bad things about them you wouldn't want to associate with them in real life? Or am I just too naive? I find that quality with social climbers a lot. They tend to:

*Blow their own trumpet by name dropping, exaggerating their activities and trying to be the centre of attention
*They tend to bad mouth people to people who would be receptive. Then reverse and repeat. Social currency is cheaper than the Zim Dollar.

I don't know what causes them to be so ... fake but I can say this much, it needs to stop. I know deep down in the shallow hearts of these folks, they're actually good people. But something needs to give. Because I often wonder when you're done with them what on earth do you say about me.

We can only pray for these shallow mother fuckers.

Muslim Identity

2012-01-11T05:09:00.000-08:00

I'll be honest with you, I don't have a clue as to what constitutes a Muslim identity. Forget about discussions around the Muslim female identity and Muslim male identity and the Muslim Father Identity and the Muslim Mother Identity. I guess though in a world where sex and gender becomes the centrepiece for discussion for how Muslims fit into a world that is not Muslim, some would find it important to understand how to fit in.

My interpretation of Islam is disfigured by my own surreal experiences and won't necessarily become ear milk to those with their heads buried in the deep dark orifices of ignorance. But here goes. Islam has always been a system, a way of life that challenged the status quo. It was revealed in a place and at a time when the Arabs had yet to be elevated to levels of barbarism. It was meant to be a peace to humanity. But it challenged the status quo and it antagonised the hierarchy at the time. In modern times we find Muslims wrestling with themselves to "fit in" when the history has been quite the contrary. Nations and tribes have shed blood, boundary lines have drawn lines and conflict seems to follow us like a well fitting shadow.

We're always at pains to distance ourselves from those lunatics who would sever the head of some transgressor and and record it on their cellphone so that the rest of the world knows we're not unreasonable. Why do we believe that being a Muslim makes us unreasonable? I believe that if you have to go to great lengths to tell people you're not a terrorist then it is merely a reflection of your own limited understanding and perspective. Christians don't go to any great lengths to say that they're not those fundamentalist doctor killers outside abortion clinics or bombers etc. But we as Muslims keep trying to find the definition that will reduce us to a neat little label on a box. We want to fit in without pissing off God but that takes a back seat to making sure people don't talk about us.

It drives me insane. That's my personal opinion. Why should we have to define ourselves to some standard. We forget that as much as Muslims pray to one God, we all have gods we worship based on what is important to us. If you're a Muslim woman who has a job and a family do you deserve more recognition than say a non-Muslim woman with a job and family? I think there is this obsession to separate the special ones from the very special ones and the not so special ones. We're obsessed with superficial standards of Muslimness. We want to be celebrated for mediocrity and we want to be lauded for being ordinary. In one breath we celebrate the amazing gift of Islam and in the next we're just a bunch of sheep with no insight. Obviously this is not aimed at everyone. But looking at the updates today online one would think that Islam is made up of schizophrenic morons.

But we're not morons. Most Muslims are just normal people trying to make a living dealing with same crap that most working class people do. It's the desire to be relevant types, the ones with time and money on their hands that come up with irrelevant and pointless "academic debates" in order to feel... relevant.

Get a life.

Help

2012-01-08T23:31:00.001-08:00

I am not the most proficient person when it comes to aspects of the Quraan related to specific injunctions. I have never come across this but maybe someone could help. I am looking for the particular sections dealing with marrying a revert, what section of hell people end up in for reverting to Islam and the level of status for those born in the faith.

OK so I am taking the piss a bit. But that would be considered a valid question if in fact that logic was tolerated. I do not. Some people say well as a revert you have more respect because you chose Islam. I am probably the worst Muslim in the world. I never pray on time, I talk to God at odd times and my pants fall well below my ankles. (I blame 90’s Gangsta Rap for shaping my dress sense).

Once again this past weekend I was confronted with the extreme prejudice some born Muslims have towards reverts. And all the magic of the past fell out onto the floor. It’s ugly and I promised myself never ever to try and be reasonable with those sorts of people.

A) I do not buy this whole “it’s old fashioned and it is how we think.” If you have ever used a cellphone, electricity or modern medicine, then your old fashioned tendencies are relative. You choose what to be old fashioned about. Therefore your excuse is simple bullshit.

B) It affected my own belief system when those incidents happened. Knowing I would never actually fit in and therefore my sense of community and belonging would never actually materialise. I won’t every join a Muslim collective and be a part of the collective. But I will not have my faith muddied by a few racists.

I don’t see why I should be tolerant of people who are deliberately backward and who see nothing wrong with their racist words or their ideologies. If say for instance a person of another race made a derogatory statement towards them, they would shout racism but because they can look down their noses at people who have opted to be Muslim, they think it is OK? Seriously?

I have said this before and this probably won’t be the last time either because there are so many people not willing to let go of their baseless prejudice. So when you scream for Palestine and demand freedom, do you ever consider how other less glamorous Muslims are treated? How you can look down and attack Muslims in your own country? Hypocrisy much?

What if one day we walked into a Masjid and there were separate safs for different races and you had to stand there based on your race? It’s the same mentality that causes the racist alleged Muslims of the world to go into panic when their daughters and sons propose marrying reverts. So why should that be wrong? I think people should just come out and say what they’re about. Be honest and tell people that you’re a Muslim but you pray to your own God that doesn’t tolerate all this inter-mingling between races etc. But people don’t have the guts to come out and say that. It’s easier to be a coward and do cowardly things and then when the shit hits the fan ask for maaf like a get out of jail card.

I am very angry at the moment. I am angry at the rumour mongering, the spinelessness of the people and the delusions of being a Muslim. The reality of being a revert is that you will always be questioned. People always need some quality assurance as if you’re some second class human being. But no one ever questions a born Muslim. And that pisses me off. That makes so angry that I fly into this rage and all reasonableness flies out of the window. I won’t be reasonable and I will not be understanding.

I am not feeling sorry for myself. I am just pissed off. And I refuse to be apologetic. If you can’t accept it and make excuses for it like that’s just how old fashioned you are, then you deserve what you get.

Sometimes fate aims for penetration

2012-01-01T11:23:00.000-08:00

You can’t plan the perfect life. You can’t write up a to-do list with accompanying KPIs and expect to live a normal fulfilling life. Or maybe I just see life differently. I can’t pretend to care for the sake of getting the chance to tick off items on my to-do list.

I had a list of achievables before a certain age. Even what I expected in the right woman. Women tend to have that. And they’re almost religious about sticking to the list of competencies that any potential suitor has to match before they even get a consideration. Of course that’s the sort of shallow shit that makes MTV’s My sweet 16 look like something deeply profound.

That’s not to say having the said list is a bad thing, it’s just what occupies those bullet points is somewhat an indication of the creators inadequacies and insecurities.

OK I’m sounding a tad judgmental but I am curious. How do you stick to the list? I had the list once. Like a proper immature, pre-sex list. The pre-sex list is the kind of list which has sex as an item to be done and it will be good. Post sex lists are the kind lists that are created when the creamy white veneer of fantasy is peeled back. When a dose of reality hits you in the face and we tend to prioritise things. Like the fact that the physical appearance is only half of what makes great sex. Or that sometimes all you need is someone you can look your worst in front of and they still love you the same. Some people employ the fart test. Basically when you feel you can fart in front of your beloved, it is an indication that you are comfortable enough in your relationship and not scared of them running away. Any running will only be for self preservation reasons.

Pre-sex lists are mostly fairy tales. It’s complete fantasy. OK maybe not, but it misses the vital element – realism. Everytime I hear of the list I am tempted to say: “get laid already” someone needs to pop the fantasy bubble. Because for the Pre-listers everyone is an option with a rating based on how they meet those list ideals. I’m lucky in that I wasn’t an option. It just happened. Like the old days. Like in the movies. Not by Stats 101. You can’t find peace by a measure of probabilities. You can’t find happiness by virtue of ticking a set of unemotional prerequisites.

But fate, isn't she brilliant?

The absurdity of being

2011-12-27T18:23:00.000-08:00

These days I am embarrassed to put my hand up and say that I am Muslim. As badass as I think I am I realised even I have boundaries. And no I am not embarrassed by the anti-Islamic rhetoric. It's the fact that every time you hear of some corrupt activity you will find some Muslim person with all 10 fat fingers and all 10 fat toes in it.

But let's forget the business side of things. Muslim marriages. I'm going to be blunt and say this, Muslim people get married for all the wrong reasons. And Indian Muslims - you need to fucking choose, culture or religion but you can't have both. I see too many woman, young girls encouraged into marriage because there is a hadith that says we should never delay marriage, salaah and burying the dead. I don't think we should be too literal and the good Lord intended us to use some common sense. We don't just read Salaah, we take the time to ensure we are prepared to read. So why in the hell does it seem compus to let daughters marry some guy after a month? Do we not take the institution of marriage seriously? Or do we just concern ourselves with the idea of a wedding and of achieving some sort of status? It's an Indian thing. Hardly anyone gives a fuck about the day after the wedding.

And then there is the way in which husbands and wives treat each other after they're married. It's like the Christmas puppy. It's so cute until there is shit to clean up. We encourage our daughters to suck it up when they encounter abuse in the marriage that it is all a part of getting to know the person because there is some shame in a woman speaking out. Her speaking out endangers the existence of the marriage. Because divorced women are less than one eyed lepers in our communities.

And I ask myself how in the blue fuck is this even Islamic. I don't profess to be a good human being let alone a good Muslim but it is getting harder and harder to proudly stick my hand up. Not because I will get labelled a terrorist but because I will be grouped together with the bunch of bigoted, racist, sexist myopic swines corrupting a way of life.

If you are seriously marrying someone after a few months of knowing them then you need a stiff smack called Wake Up Call. It takes years to get to know anyone. But most people can put on a good act as long as it suits them. You don't want to fly blind. And dear Muslim people, register your marriage and get an antenuptial contract. Yes you're in love and you're getting that 50% imaan discount but think about it seriously. What we don't need are more people abused and broken and left to put the pieces back together themselves.

Maybe I am just venting.

My Meat list for 2011/2012: Some of the hottest online personalities

2011-12-19T03:09:00.000-08:00

Around this time of year I tend to channel very bad people. Well bad by societal standards anyway. I started smoking again. Yes I’m a loser. But you know what? Fuck you, that’s what.

Anyway as we close out the year it is time to give back to the online world. The online world has been good to me and I need to be good right back. So without further delay, here is the 2011/2012 Online Personalities Meat List.

For the uninformed the Meat List is a compilation of singleton online personalities and how much you could expect to pay for them in Lobola terms. Well the price is based purely on my assessment and you are free to disagree. And anyway why should innocent God fearing people be left in single bliss.

*If anyone is not single and currently involved in a very overprotective and insecure relationship, please don't get upset and try to kill my cat. He will kill you if you do.

This year we have decided to add a married ladies section Under the title “If we could give them beef” Please pay these folk a visit, say hi and who knows, we could be crossing a few names of the singles list. Oh this list was published without the permission of the people mentioned. Sorry. Big man love to all of you.

We’d give them beef and then some:

1. Zahira Kharsany – Online personality, social media Guru, you can find Zahira’s blog at www.zahira.co.za. Originally from the Province that gave us Cabous v/d Westhuizen, Zahira now lives in Johannesburg. It is rumoured that Zahira’s presence in Sandton caused the property prices to go up by 25%.

a. Lobola value: 1 pair calf skin knee length leather boots, two bulls, 5 camels and a chicken.

2. Bibi Aisha Wadvalla – Journalist, traveller all round adventurer this youngster (I get to say that at my age) is a symbol of the modern Muslim woman. It is rumoured that a glimpse of her hair Hosni Mubarak handed himself over to stand trial as he broke down in tears at the beauty of it. You can find Bibi at http://bibiaishawadvalla.wordpress.com/

a. Lobola Value: 12 Camels, a goat and 3 cows.

3. Aasia Fredericks: The multi-talented, future TV talkshow host is one of the finest human beings. Even if you are subjected to the occasional fuck off. Aasia is big on helping the community and has used her talents to help the less fortunate and talented. Some of the recipients of her help include, Trevor Noah, Loyiso Gola, Joey Rasdien and Barry Hilton. You can find Aasia at: www.aasiaf.blogspot.com

a. Lobola value: Two goats, a chicken, 3 Cows, a midget on a bicycle

4. Gulshan Khan: new to the list, known as the queen of Pretoria to her subjects, the Rock Chick from a small dorp (Town for people from KZN) is a rugby fan (I know, like WTF? How awesome is that?), a poet, and a part-time assassin. We can’t talk about it. You can find the lovely Gulshan at http://twitter.com/#!/let_zephyrspin

a. Lobola Value: 3 Goats, 4 cows, a leather whip and 10 packets of Woolworths extra spice biltong. (It’s halaal)

5. Khadija Patel: Writer, intellectual, all round nice person. If she were any cooler she would be screaming get these %$#@&(&*^$ing snakes of my plane. But she doesn’t swear. A future leader of South Africa, the future MR Khadija Patel can look forward to the opening of parliament, formal outfits with matching hats. You can find Khadija @khadijapatel and here http://khadijapatel.com

a. As a deposit you will have to show at least 6 cows. If you are accepted,

6. Queen LeStat: Saw her for the first time in 6 month yesterday and she still has a bum that would make a sailor cry. These were the words of South African president Jacob Zuma at the Cop 17 conference where he said that Queen Lestat’s hot bum was a direct cause of global warming and that we should all try and throw ice at her. Queen LeStat was a blogger now Tweeter and part owner of the IPL franchise, the Bangalore HasBeans. You can find the one eyed beauty at http://twitter.com/#!/@queenlestat

a. Lobola price: Not Cheap. Halaal Kobe Beef. 7 cows and a small naughty monkey. If you pay the price, The Queen will spank your monkey.

We’d like to give them beef but:

Just because a woman is married doesn’t mean she’s dead. So with all respect to the lucky husbands we’d like to give a special mention to head turning online ladies from our community. *sigh*

The Saaleha – The single biggest cause behind the biggest boy cry when she announced she would getting hitched. But Mr. Saaleha is pretty cool so we don’t hate him. Much. At all.

check her out at www.saaleha.com

*drool*

The Nafisa – you know that movie where the geek chick is hot and her CPU brings all the boys to the yard? Check out: http://www.nafisa.co.za/

Sure there may be people you thought should have been on that list. But start your own blog and make your own list. And if someone asks why I left off Uzayr please remember: He has a penis. That is a no-no for me.

Coming up: The birthday wishlist – how to please your future leader while the price is still cheap.

The OH

2011-12-08T05:58:00.001-08:00

The chocolate bar disappears in the mits she calls hands and I wonder to myself how my brother hasn’t developed a drinking habit by now or at least a socially acceptable pain killer addition when he thinks about sleeping next to that.

I make a face and my mother asks me what’s wrong. I look constipated. I am wondering if the clenching is related to the image in front of me of the living cabbage doll molesting the chocolate bar with her mouth. Suggestive? Not even my imagination dare cross those boundaries.

And I think back to the time when were kids and my brother had taste. I remember him “liking” Kylie Minogue. I look at the current representation of his romantic aspirations and I wonder if we should send a search party down her oesophagus to search for the diminutive artist. My sister in law does have an appetite. Even now the thought of using the term sister in the word sister in law makes me want to scrub myself with a wire brush.

That is pretty much how my year started. Some venom spit my direction from my brother. And the gloves came off. Fat people can be nice people. She is obviously the exception to the rule. And as I have watched my family rip apart at the seams I can help but look at the rotund faecal smelling cretin and consider her role in this. The power struggle of the wedding where she was left to her own devices and and delivered a shambacle of an event. The manipulative portrayal of the truth and the attempt to control everyone and everything.

The question is can I continue to leave the situation to fester to the depths it has this year and then I remember. I have no responsibility for this. You cannot protect people from their own stupidity. And well I feel like the need to always be responsible for other people is long over. I am tired and exhausted. Duty and responsibility works both ways but the abhorrent practice is to claim what is owed to them in terms of obsolete custom instead of complying with your obligation.

I am fucking tired and exhausted. And I have drawn the line in the sand. Go and do what you want, but these are the consequences and there is no negotiation here. Maybe I am unreasonable but once you don’t trust someone that is the approach to everything.

All I wanted was a normal life

2011-12-06T05:49:00.000-08:00

When I was 18 I had it all figured out. I would major in Legal theory and Politics. I would graduate work for 2 years, marry Waseelah, work in the diplomatic corps and by the age of 30 I would have my obligatory 2.5 kids. Things took a nasty turn and I was forced to claw my way back up again. I am not married. Never been. I have no kids and all I want to do is have a normal life.

Apparently that is not on the cards for someone like me. Apparently normality is for more "normal people". And this pisses me off. It does. What is normal you might ask. True. But I want to get the wife, the 2.5 kids, the overseas trip once a year and the...

It isn't easy when life takes you off the plan. But I have decided to give it all up, the ambition towards fitting in and building normality. I have decided to be who I really am. To embrace what fate has given me and stop being like everyone else. Let the trumpets blow, let the people rejoice. I am just going to do what nature gave me the ability to do. Fitting in is for shmucks.

Your life is ending one second at a time.

2011-11-21T01:43:00.001-08:00

Your life is ending one second at a time. I think that’s from Fight Club or Vodacom’s Baby in space advert. Make every second count. But the interpretation is that you have to be running around like some headless chicken in some constant rush. I hate rushing. I like to be able to absorb moments. Store the memory of that feeling so that years later I can sip from it.

I often wonder to myself how my life would have turned out if everything had gone to plan. Let’s see. I would have made senior partner by now. I would be grey. I would have kids. I would have a wife that would be referred to as “my immediate supervisor” and in-laws that would make me speak like the Outlaw Josey Wales.

Yes I would have been living the life. Debt free and everywhere in shackles. I would have figured out how to support a mistress. Had sex with my wife at the appropriate times like birthdays, Mother’s day and Valentine’s day. Got used to the idea of blow jobs on my birthday. And deciding whose family we should spend which Eid at.

I would have had a life. My kids would all be named after my in-laws since my names are nothing like the social acceptable Muslim sounding names people come to expect. Which is why I hate when people introduce me by my Muslim name to other Muslims but still call me by my other Scottish name. It’s like their way of saying, don’t kill him, he’s cool, he’s one of us. I feel like I am Donnie Brasco.

Just this morning I thought of an an ex for some odd reason. Out of all of my ex’s I think had my life followed the normal course of events, I would have been reasonably happy with her. Her perfect enunciation, my nose in the air ways back then, we would have been perfect together, except for the fact that she was more concerned about pleasing others than actually taking cognisance of the fact that I was just not some concept but an actual person who had nothing to do with her adopted insecurities.

People often go, if only, but for, we could have, should have, would have been. But you’re not, the whisper of fate repeats ad nauseum. Sure I would have liked to have kept to my plan, but my life has been interesting. I mean who knows what I would have been pining for now on the mirror side of that perfect life imagined. What seconds passed would I be crying for now? I suppose life teaches you what you need to know. Unlike university where you have to take some course which serves no purpose.

Like right now I know what I want and what I don’t want. I am in something because I want to be there and I have the balls to walk away from things when I feel like this serves no point. To answer all those concerned people I think I am in a better position to get married now than I was 10 years ago when I asked my then gf to. Why? I know myself better. I know what I am capable of and what I am not.

We are living one second at a time. We moving one second to the end of us and somehow we’re all striving for meaning, to leave and still be remembered. I don’t know if you will be remembered for being the same like everyone else. I want to stand out. I want to do things that will quieten the restlessness I feel when I am stuck doing mundane like an old Middle Eastern couple –through a hole in the sheet.

Let me love you

2011-11-03T11:40:00.001-07:00

I was watching 500 Days of Summer. Every guy, no matter how cool he is had or even has a Summer. I had several. It is kind of dumb thinking about it now. But what no one ever tell you is to be able to differentiate between the real deal and practice.

One thing I don’t think anyone should have do is settle. People do that. Sometimes all the rejection or chasing after what they desire amounts to nil so people settle down with what is attainable, what is mentally affordable. I find my stomach twisting just thinking about the concept. As one friend put it, “she married a real frog”

I am not married yet but I would like to hold a few ideals close. Like I don’t want to turn around and see that person lying next to me, smelling their death breath and drool soaked pillow and think dear Lord make the engine of a small plane fall through the roof and kill me know. Some cheat and stay married, some people get divorced. Some people stay married and like a nuclear explosion kill everything around them.

I was thinking about settling. Not about doing it, but why people do it. Maybe happiness is not priceless, maybe happiness has a best before date and before those imagined futures turn yellow and curl at the corners like old black white photos it is time to fit something in there and quite being fussy.

Maybe heartbreak means it is code 03 and well we take what we can get just so we’re not confined to some emotional and societal scrap heap. Who the hell knows.

People also marry for money which is more respectable than street walking. Apparently, but if you marry for money you’re just a more expensive hooker.

But back to Summer. At the point where I was told that I was not the one God wanted, the one that wasn’t the right race for her family because I might turn racist against her or the one who said she wanted to do the arranged marriage to please her parents I thought the world would suck forever. Even when the one said she couldn’t marry because I was too nice to be made to wait I thought, maybe I am too fussy. Surely I could not be that jinx. But life has a weird way of telling you think afterwards, only if you’re willing to listen.

Everyone should find that person who will love them for them, for all their swearing, for their funny hair, for their snoring in their sleep, for all their value and for all their perceived defects. It is unfortunate that the world has become so broken that love and life and happily ever after can be quantified. We can overlook anything for the right reason, the right price, the right benefit.

One day it might be over, one day might never come.

2011-11-02T06:35:00.000-07:00

I have been pissed off lately. The passive aggressive comments. The bullshit attitude. Today I reached out to someone once close to me. For no reason than it had to be done. This person is a part of who I am. And their stupidity caused my pride and my anger to completely go out of control. And for what? So I could deal with one ungrateful person with a sense of entitlement? For what? Because the world owes them something?
That is another story.

Anyway, my point was that I needed to make things right with him. Not because I am obliged to but because I have a choice and it has been weighing down on me. And because those "who poison my brothers" are no officially on borrowed time. I am angry with myself and my heart is broken when I realise how far removed from the situation I am. I have lost contact and people that were once close to me, who once gave everything when I had none, it is time that I look to be the one to mend ways. Pride is a horrible thing. We let it get between us and allow others to add to our burden, for what?

So as much as I am trying to be decent I plan to be merciless on those who have been degenerate pieces of shit.

You won't like me when I fight back.

2011-11-01T12:48:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to be a nice person. That was always my intention from that first day of school. I wanted to be friends and just play. It didn’t work out that way. I think other kids always found my friendliness unsettling and so proceeded to punch and kick me. I never fought back in those early days. I cried. It hurt to have kids jump on your feet, or punch you in the stomach or in the face. Why were they being so ugly to me.

I still get it today. Off course now it’s not cool to hit someone with a shovel. (29 years ago it was a plastic shovel, now I would just look silly hitting a squint kid with a plastic shovel) But basically I think I grew up in an odd world where my parents told me that sharing was good (which we took to mean, as take everything as the definition of share.) Taking things from people was bad and that one good turn deserved another.

I have this horrible habit of keeping a ledger of all deeds done to me and for me. For those people who make significant contributions to my life (You folks should know) I will do whatever they ask. They don’t always realise the impact they make or have made but I willingly give whatever I own to make these people happy for their contribution to my life. Moira would probably point out that I actually do it because I hate feeling obligated to someone so I over give in order to feel relieved of be debt. I don’t like owing and I hate being owed.

Maybe I was inspired by Napoleon or the Renaissance (Odd that my office building is named Renaissance which was where I landed when I came to JHB) but although I like money and I would like a whole bunch of it to become king of the world, it is not important when it comes to helping people. I try to spend freely and without grudge. But somehow I seem to always be that kid who is too friendly and pisses off people. My own brother apparently felt the yolk of living in my shadow. Yes the brother I name in my book as one of the dedications. And i put it down to hungry insecurities. My brother’s wife feeds that insecurity because she validates all that superficial crap and makes him think that is what makes a man. But then again she is about as mature as your average 5 year old.

So it comes as no surprise to find other male beings growling from shadows with their passive aggressive grunts. Oh sweet lord I am not about to usurp your life. Although my name might indicate otherwise. But it just underlines people will never be happy with what is in front of them but envy what other’s have. But recipe for everyone’s life is so different, are we that willing to walk in the footsteps of the next person in order to acquire what they have? What about what fate has gifted to us? Are we that brave to thumb our noses at her?

I find that to have and to lose is better than to have never lost at all. People are desperate. People are stupid. Temptation and envy are products of pride. When people start saying to themselves, even in the quiet darkness of solitude, why not me, why him, then you know you have given into the first sin, pride.

Dear Lord, protect my humility so that I may never treat anyone as less than I am. (Unless they’re Australian)

Gonna get me a white man

2011-10-30T02:24:00.000-07:00

Well not me. But apparently that is the thinking of all women of colour according to... men of colour. Weird that. Anyway I say it is about time that women of colour catch up and join men of colour who have desired or at least rubbed one out to a white woman.

Why am I talking about race? Because it is absurd and the longer we pretend it has some significance, the long it will be like an albatross.

A few of my friends are in mixed race relationships, either married or or in a relationship. From male perspective there seems to be this "they've taken our women" philosophy. Like it is unnatural. Even the Census forms stipulate that you need to fit into one of the boxes. I caused some shit on Facebook when I asked if it was the dream of every Indian women to find a white husband. I expect to be unfriended or blocked in the vest least. *Chuckle*

Sometimes it isn't a case of just 2 people falling in love, it's people with different motives and agendas. Like the Indian women who firmly believe that white is alright. For me that is kind of disturbing how we can make such an important decision like who we want to bump uglies with forever based on race. The irony is that for those people intent on proving their un-Indianness, it is a very Indian way of thinking: I present the following evidence:-
1. Caste system
2. Fairness of skin (Also known as being very fiiirrr)

For many Indians, men and women (lately more women) it is about the status. Apartheid babies still looking for validation. The problem comes in that we all know about this play white types and then we cast aspersions on those couples genuinely in love. Mixed race shouldn't be a problem in this day and age when we are all well aware that there are arseholes of different races. But maybe that is just me. I don't give a fuck about skin colour. I don't give a shit about race. I have gotten into lots of trouble for my failure to consider the unsameness of people I have dated. It has never been about race. Although in my old age I am a little proud of my heritage and skin colour. It is who I am and I not going to waste my energy pretending otherwise.

Yes Indian men can be a bucketful of watery shit sometimes, but, not all Indian men are the same like not all Indian women are the same. Like I find myself constantly having to defend myself because of the perception of Indian men. And this is me giving a fuck...

If you want true happiness, maybe you should be searching for it. Good people don't have specific races or skin tones and certain bank balances. If you chase after these things you will get bored of these novelties and be left with all those things you chose to ignore.

So tell me: Do Indian women have the sole objective of finding a white husband. Discuss and substantiate. Your time starts now.

We lack humanity

2011-10-21T05:27:00.001-07:00

Watching the cellphone video of Muammar Gaddafi’s capture has left a horrible sense of the slow disintegration of humanity.

How can we feel just in condemning a tyrant when the captors behave like tyrants. How can the likes of the US and the UK celebrate a freedom born from such barbarism.

Before anyone accuses me of supporting a tyrant such as Gadaffi let me say that I believe he should have been held to trial. A man guilty of such atrocities over such a long period of time should have to face charges, should have to stand trial and answer for his actions before his people. He shouldn’t be martyred because a few children with guns got carried away.

We saw it with Saddam Hussein, Mubarak of Egypt (Although he is still alive for now) and with the alleged death of Osama bin Laden. A complete disregard for any vague notion of human rights. And yet the West hails it as victory, a victory for whom? For imperialism? For the eradication of former despots propped up by the CIA? Supported for years I guess it’s the proverbial night of long knives.

Obama, celebrated for supposedly offering an alternative to the Bush administration showed talent for manufactured truth or selective truth. “The people of Libya called.” No Barack you evil swine, your benefactors called and said they wanted a piece of Libya, would you please oblige. Hey Barack, slavery is over, you don’t have to behave like a houseboy for your masters. People all around the world are suffering under the tyranny of despotic rulers, where is the US and the rest of the West?

What has happened in the Arab states has nothing to do with democracy. It has nothing to do with Freedom and it certainly has nothing to do with Justice. It is Neo-Colonialism. It is subjugation of people for the sake of building another fucking Macdonalds, or another Levis store or Cineplex showing the latest Brad Pitt movie. It’s a new market and the new leaders do not care about Gaddafi’s victims. They’re too busy playing with the trinkets of their new bosses.

In the end Gaddafi died the way he lived. It doesn’t make it right. And if we condone the manner in which he was captured and murdered then we are no better than the tyrants we seek to condemn. There is a distinction between civilisation and barbarism which has become blurred. Seeing those clips on Al Jazeera and CNN brought home the reality, that human beings are a long way from enlightenment and civilisation.

The world owes you nothing.

2011-10-18T06:39:00.000-07:00

Maybe it is a sign of pride or arrogance, but perception of arrogance is merely a reflection of your own insecurities, or so the theory goes. First things first, I will not make a scene unless I completely lose it and then you must understand I am contemplating murder. Well actually it is more like how will I get rid of the body. The possibility of murder was never under discussion.

I try to make everyone happy. But if they're not happy and act like petulant children, please do not expect me to be the type of person to come and ask you what's wrong and how I can help you feel better about yourself. I refuse to grovel. I sometimes bring out the worst in people. Not intentionally. But there are folks out there that feel that they have beat me. Competitively. I do not care.

As for material gain. By all means, if that is how you define yourself. It is not how I define myself. And frankly I am fucking tired of the materialistic competitive nature of people who are overly ambitious and under talented and believe the world owes them something. If you want something for every deed you do, attach an invoice for every supposed good deed. Or don't do it.

Secondly if you attach a price to everything, remember my philosophy, I will gladly pay you to disappear. I see it as an investment in my future.

Thank God I dodged that bullet

2011-10-14T06:32:00.000-07:00

When a relationship ends, it's pretty bad for everyone involved. Assuming everyone is still human at the break up. Some people are heartless shells resembling human beings. And at that time no one has the right words to comfort you and your future is like a black hole, you can't see life beyond the them that is no longer there.

But years later you look at things and you raise your hands, look for a young lamb to slaughter and give thanks. Because you realise that you were dumb, that the break up was the best thing ever and the person was just going to make your life suck. I've looked at my past and I would try kicking my own arse at how stupid I was.

I dodged that bullet. That is my immediate reaction to seeing some people from my past. Thanks Big Guy. Always got my back.

Don't be afraid, we be Muslim.

2011-10-10T02:20:00.000-07:00

If by the standards of @lauramzy on Twitter, a good human being is measured, then I am glad that I am one of the worst. The kind of hate spewed by someone with an obvious axe to grind against every Muslim, made me glad that I am of the non-continuing pass variety of Muslim.

She has obviously suffered and therefore stripped of all sense of reasonableness.

But what I am completely sick and tired of doing is apologising for being a Muslim. Because an accusation against Muslims is an accusation against me and I am, to put it bluntly, sick to fucking death of telling people to not panic, I am the friendly sort and keep my hands where they can see it without making any sudden movement.

I feel like swearing. Sure I should take the higher ground. I should be the better person. But when cunts like this attack a group of people because what some arseholes do then I become annoyed and unforgiving. Laura goes on to point out that the Quran is laden with references amounting to encouraging violence. Being a good Christian she conveniently forgets that her own bible is dripping with violent calls to action. But this is not a tit for tat game. Because I could not give a fuck what a biggot like her thinks. The problem is that it cannot be ignored. Because it grows. So as a Muslim we have to continuously be defending ourselves. We are not terrorists, we are not here to bleed you and I am frankly sick and tired of it. Because if it is OK for Christians to walk around without a disclaimer that they will not slaughter and rape and pillage because we are infidels, then surely they should have the capacity to apply that mentality to everyone? Apparently not.

The only problem in worshipping God is the fact that Humans are involved. We turn the act of worship into a bloody affair and then with dripping bloody fingers point out each other's faults with "evidence" As for the Laura swine. If I had to suggest that you deserved a smack with a sledgehammer, I would be accused of being just another Muslim, blood thirsty and driven to rape the world of all that is good.

So all that I can say, Hey Laura, have a few drinks and drive home.

It uses the sign post to hit itself.

2011-10-01T12:51:00.000-07:00

I have never been one for the signs, nor have I paid attention to the signs. Well I try not to, you will have to judge for yourself if you actually know me in real life. On Wednesday I received a lovely letter from my potential publishers that they would not be able to publish my second book.

On Friday morning there was a white rabbit sitting my parking space. Now nothing strange about seeing a white rabbit right? Consider that A) all the rabbits at this complex are brown or beige and then consider the title of said rejected book.

I moved to a new apartment. A day long affair and I am practically broken. My feet hurt like hell and I finally consider myself a man, not a young man. But back to the signs. The signs are whatever you want them to be. Right now I am gonna thumb my nose at fate and be like everyone else - selfish.
There is no longer right and wrong, just shades of right and shades of wrong.

I don't know about signs, sometimes they're signs, sometimes they're just coincidence. You create value.

The mechanic and the cashier

2011-09-08T11:37:00.000-07:00

Call me a soft cock romantic but the guy at the bus stop made me smile this morning. He is a mechanic and his wife works as a cashier. And every morning he walks his wife, past the bus stop, a further 2km down to Spar where she works and walks back.

He doesn’t have to. But he does it because it’s his wife. Like the other day his wife hid his cellphones in a jealous rage. He just laughed it off. When he came home he brought supper. When his wife came home, expecting a fight or argument, supper was served. I had to laugh to myself.

He went on to explain that when his wife is in a mood, he keeps his cool because it doesn’t help anyone if both people are upset. He says when he is angry his wife does the same for him, he says that way whatever is bugging them passes quickly instead of prolonging the disagreement.

Take that Dr. Phil.

I had my eyes opened today. I seldom find people that show real feelings for the other they claim to love. More like material interest, like relationships are similar to colonialism and the object is to make enough before the natives grow restless or resources are exhausted. This man is different and it’s like you get the message from the one place you least expected to.

GCBD

You've been Darren'd

2011-09-08T05:53:00.000-07:00

The now infamous story of hoe celebrity broadcaster Darren Scott called someone a kaffir and the entire South African online world goes into Day of Judgment mode.

First things first, never let it be said that there is an abundance of content or topics of discussion online. The story broke yesterday after I read Marc Forest's blog. This morning, Twitter is abuzz with "K-word" rhetoric. Now before some douchey macdouchebag says that I am justifying Darren Scott's used of the word kaffir, let me just say fuck you, I'm not. But it seems to be fashionable, on Twitter anyway for people to not so much discuss difference as it is to gang up around your cause. So basically we have 2 major camps, people who think he committed a heinous crime against humanity and refer to it as "the K-word" and the others who feel that everyone should just get over it because he was grumpy, and had imbibed alcohol.

How this group of sucktarded specimens made it to an Internet connection without supervision is beyond me.
Let me deal with the first group.
So Darren Scott called a person a kaffir. Was he right? No. Should you opinion matter? No. Why? Because in the grand scheme of things in South Africa, calling someone a kaffir is not half as much a sin as the fact that we allow people to live in conditions not fit for animals. But there is no righteous indignation then. This is the equivalent changing the street's name and saying we've erased apartheid. Kaffir is a horrible word (you're probably wondering why I choose to use it instead of saying K-word) and its meaning is more than just non-believer, it came to embody one groups hatred for another based purely on skin colour, it represents the image created of black people by whites looking to subjugate.
But that word is not apartheid. It is merely a product of it. Having people say that the word should not exist at all and if it does that you need therapy is another sign of the head in the sand approach we've adopted. We lived gated communities, security boobs and check in point. We have panic buttons and we travel overseas. Damn life is good in post apartheid South Africa - but for a minority.
Where is all this righteous indignation when it comes to other symbols of our past that were used to subjugate and alienate?

Now for the people who say he was only drunk. Darren, as his hairline and wrinkles will prove, is not 12. Anyone that chooses to have a drink and then gets upsets and blames the liquor is a fucking moron. If you can't handle your liquor then he shouldn't drink. I know the situation was quite emotionally charged but, he isn't 12. The PR people need to fuck off from this situation and Darren Scott needs to be left to simmer for a few months. And then we should all move on.
Why? Because words like Bushy, Koolie, Kaffir and whatever else we've been called needs to die. It needs to lose its value because we are past being those people who could have been hurt, who were trained to believe that we were any less because of the colour of our skins. Not because some alleged white liberal says we should because "surely by now you people have gotten over it." But because as South Africans who've been through it all we owe it to ourselves to remove the power of these words so people like Darren will have to dig deeper the next time they feel like throwing an insult.

Off course I could be wrong. I mean what do I know. I still use the word kaffir. The reason why? Because calling it the k-word is just as good and the word is just a word, people need to know it, not pretend it doesn't exist or feel guilty repeating it. The intention is what counts. Not the pretend it doesn't exist.

The OH

2011-09-07T05:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the universe likes to punch you in the stomach early in the morning. Be brave, keep the face stone, don't react, my biggest problem is that sometimes I can't actually hide what I am thinking and as Madame Butterfly tends to point out, my face says it all.

But you have to trust that you are part of the plan, that the Universe did not write you out in act one to play the part of coma patient for the next 3 seasons. But that leaves you with hope and hope is a bit of a prankster. This week has been odd and plans are in absolute disarray. So like a a fat american girl on seesaw, I am going to trust the universe to make it all right.

2011-09-05T05:51:00.000-07:00

I don't like being wrong, more than that I don't like being right on those rare occasions. Anyway I am being all grown up lately. But being grown up about stuff, you know, being honest with yourself doesn't mean you will be happy about it which begs the question what's so good about being all grown up.

2011-09-01T07:37:00.000-07:00

Lets establish one thing up front - I am not some sort of moral compass. I do not care who you vote for, who you're sleeping with or what your mission statement in life is. I don't care what car you drive or how much money you make. I don't care who you're friends with or what parties you get invited to. I don't care about how many friends you have on Facebook or how many people you've got to raffle like follow you on Twitter. Frankly those are all distractions hiding the real you.

Apparently these all matter to most people.

I have my own issues and the last thing I want is for you to think I give enough of a shit for me to waste a single second giving my opinion on your life. Basically my default setting is that blowjobs could save lives. Save people from going to jail for murdering your imbecile of a child. A friend of mine tells me how her no good useless ex-husband harasses her and threatens to kill himself. Apparently the acceptable reaction is NOT to say "I dare you, maybe that will be the first thing you've done right."

I look around and I see a giant disconnect with people. We all have it, some of us actually deal with it, others fill it with stuff. Its the current status fucking quo. Sex, money, adoration, status the hugs from foster parents 2.0. Daddy issues mommy issues. Pass me the virtual vodka to drown my sorrows. Fuck it, give me the real thing.

We're all so worried about fitting in and then we get bored of being ordinary and unremarkable because we got exactly what we ordered. My favourite thing is telling people to leave me the fuck alone because I don't want to fit in, I don't want to be perfect, I don't want to be the same like everyone else. I don't need your attention or your words of encouragement, I don't need to be recognised and I certainly don't need your best advice of what you would do in my situation. I don't give a fuck about your myopic approach to life, once size does not fit all.

Maybe I am just tired of the excuses. I can't be a fake human being. I can't pretend to like someone or pretend to be friendly and only focus on what is important to me. Who the hell raises their kids to be such cowards in the first place?

The OH

Eid day celebrations

2011-08-29T03:36:00.001-07:00

I remember my first Eid. Olive green pants, paisley shirt and, tan shoes and bottle green jersey. (It was the 90’s, paisley was big back then)I was 11 and I was a new Muslim. I was excited, sucking the Muslimness out of everything. My mother went the extra mile. It was around 1991 when my mother was earning about R850 a month. Rent on the house was about R280 per month. But my mother lay byed those clothes and made sure we all had clothes for Eid. Of course those were our occasion clothes, the kind of clothes that get washed and put away until some event or occasion when they would be taken out again to be worn.

It was cold that morning and it was confusing. No one told us what to expect from Eid day. We didn’t know what to do. Malay Eid is a little different. We didn’t know any of the words to any of the “hymns” (Private joke) but we were there. 4 of us huddled together like refugees amongst people we didn’t really know. After Namaaz etc coming out of the Masjid (Back then the East London community was still small and you could come late and still find place to sit in what was then the only Masjid) We had no idea how to greet. I think I ended up greeting someone like a Russian. Hahaha.

Eid means different things to different people. Over the years it’s evolved into a close family thing. As we grew up, we developed our own rules. We used to still be that close huddled group of 4, except we weren’t those scared kids anymore. We knew stuff, there was no sense of needing to fit in. Being Muslim was not new anymore. People would come to our house. We would go to my father’s grave. But it was all about that.

This year we’re all situated at different destinations so that sense of family has been lost and Eid is just a day for me. Luckily I have a few people going out of their way to make Eid special for me. My cousin, his wife and my aunt, incidentally not Muslim, helping me celebrate Eid.

I guess my conclusion now is that, when we had little, our family tended to be closer. Now that there are a few more coins in the pocket and fatter bellies, we’ve lost sight of what is important to us.

The OH

PS. I am not fishing for an invite so if you do invite me and I say no, its not me being rude, I'm just antisocial.

The abomination that is the South African film industry.

2011-08-25T22:46:00.000-07:00

When I began this movie experience in 2009 I was told that it wasn't my job to contribute to the South African film industry. I know many people have this at any cost mentality, but flu induced insomnia forced me to watch a South African movie - about South Africa and filmed in South Africa - that wasn't altogether bad but not what I would have liked to have called my own.

Actors and Actresses

Talented South African actors and actresses are out there. But as I watched Natalie Bekker and some unknown Indian man do what I can only assume was a warm up for the Robot I asked, is this what passes for acting? It seemed so mechanical and unnatural. Like all we could be pleased with was that they'd learned their lines. I don't, God-willing, want to make movies that will one day be seen as OK for South African movies. If movies about Britain, and the USA and wherever can find universal appeal driven by excellent storylines I don't see we can't do it here. Its like we still suffer from that Apartheid sickness, fawning over everything foreign as if your origin is meaningless. Anyone remember how Frank "Talentless" Stallone was such a big hit in SA in the 80's? We have this sense of if it comes from beyond our borders, it has to be better. And we blame the audiences, South African movie goers don't go to South African movies unless its Leon Schuster. I also remember a time when no one would proudly listen to South African music. Well except for the legend that is Barney Simon.

In high school I took to stage directing and received a Best Director. It did plant a seed which I quickly uprooted. How would I be able to sustain a future family as a South African film maker? There was no stability, where would I study? There were no degrees associated with it, I had no choice but to become a lawyer.

We all know how that worked out.

Anyway, my point is that we seemed to be starved of actual local talent, but I don't think that is the case. I think we undervalue our own commodity. Its like the mentality of people who distinguish quality by price tag. Label/Brand whores. But it takes effort to build up a brand, make it valuable and something to be proud of.
I'm sure the likes of Natalie Bekker are talented in their own right, but the pseudo British accents and the laboured expressions as they act like acting doesn't actually inspire confidence. Maybe there is the hope that being pretty people will overlook other aspects.

I want to make my movie with as authentic a South African cast, I want the story to resonate and I want South Africans to leave the film and talk about it. I want to be inside the heads of my film goers and I want it to be a reflection of where I come from. But its not going to be the private sector that drives this. What we need is for our Government to have more faith in the industry and consider how many jobs this could create. How South Africa can become more than a location destination for overseas producers on a budget or post production facility for people wanting quality without needing to pay for it.

Hollywood churns out crap. More crap than we handle sometimes, but its that sense of willingness to create something magical that put it where it is. Australia faced the same thing not too long ago. Their government made it a target to ensure that Australia not only created films with international marketability, but whose actors and actresses are seen as world class.

I mean how many millions are poured into South African sports teams who can't sell out a 25 000 seater stadium and couldn't win a match if their lives depended on it.

Those are my thoughts. Feel free to share your own.

The Organ Harvester

BTW: Anyone with $8 million?

It never is what it seems

2011-08-25T10:47:00.000-07:00

Human beings are so fragile. So guarded. Its always about not putting yourself out there before the next person does. I do it. It takes a remarkable woman for me to be completely honest and say how I feel. I wish I was more like that, not caring what other people think or what other people say more often. But that is the human condition unfortunately. People are susceptible to being people.

But I give much less of a crap about what people think about me and about living up to expectations. Its all a lot of pressure keeping up with expectations. That's because people with expectations are never actually involved in the practical elements of living up to those expectations and if you try keeping up, you'll only wear yourself thin being someone you're not.

So here is my question: how much does what someone else think about you matter in the image you project? Are you content? Don't you just feel constipated? Why do you worry so much about what people think? Do you feel you deserve to be thought of the way and being yourself might put that at risk?

?

2011-08-24T03:33:00.000-07:00

Is it OK to ask God why? I guess it’s human nature to want to make sense of the world and why things don’t go the way you want it. Worst yet is when you feel you did everything right and still there is this chunk of your life missing or you were robbed of what was supposed to be yours. Marriages fail, people leave, people die, you lose money, you’re popular and then you’re not.

Whatever the reason, people have always and will always question God. Mostly because we’ve been taught a number of things about God. Firstly God has a long white beard and lives in the exalted cloud. Secondly God does stuff and we should always be afraid. Faith must never actually make sense.

I used to remember thinking when people used to say, God has a plan, that God obviously rolled the dice on you. I questioned a lot. I started early and I make no excuses other than to say, I needed to know why. I believed that people who said, “trust in the plan” were weak minded and incapable of actually providing me with an answer. So at the age of 11, our family broke and my mother with her newly acquired title of widow, carrying our weekly groceries on foot, I had time to ask God why us? We weren’t bad people. Being poor was a punishment. Not that we were every rich. But suddenly I had become aware of money and the power it held and for the life of my couldn’t understand why the man with the long white beard was nowhere to be found.

I will be honest. For every time something bad happened to our family, I blamed God. My logic stated that if God was all powerful then nothing bad could happen unless God allowed it to and if God allowed it to, God was picking on us.

Relationships never seemed to work out and I blamed it on a number of things. Not being rich enough always reared its head. I always felt like no matter what I did, no matter my intentions, God was the kid with the magnifying glass and I was the ant facing imminent death.

Last night my mother phoned to tell me her close friend’s son had died. This barely 2 months after his father had died. You pray that God has a plan and although people can point to texts proving that there is always a plan. But you can’t help but ask. That’s just me, I am weak of faith on the best of days. But its heart breaking to see a mother have to bury her son. My grandmother buried 4 of her adult children before she finally died. And in spite of her less than cordial relations, I felt sorry for her.

And someone will say God has a plan. Sometimes that’s not enough. Sometimes we need to know. Sometimes there are no options than for the world to make sense.

I don’t claim to always get it. But I am more patient. Well not really patient in the normal everyday sense, but compared to what I was, I have made significant progress. Things don’t work out, people leave, you lose money, people die. Its not because you were necessarily bad or did something, sometimes people are spineless douchebags and you just happen to be unlucky.

The great thing about unlucky is that it usually opens your eyes to that which really matters. And that’s the problem, sometimes we just don’t let go. Someone said these Oprah-esque words yesterday, “God sends you want you need, not what you want” which is a nice snip of emotional anaesthesia but doesn’t always get to the heart of things. All I do, like all those sheep I used to criticise is say that there must be a plan out there.

The OH

God hates us all (especially women)

2011-08-22T00:27:00.000-07:00

If martians ever took a wrong turn and landed in the Northern parts of SA around the time of Eid, they would think all Muslim people worship some woman hating deity. Well that’s if they landed amongst the Indians. Indians complicate things like you cannot believe. And with all due respect, to the different schools of thought on the matter, I cannot for the life of me understand why we have this massive discrepancy in the practical elements of the religion.

I personally don’t see the problem with women going for the Eid day prayers. But then that is just me. In East London which has become predominantly Tabligh, provision is made for women, although the numbers have dropped over the years, the provision is there. Because somehow we established a long time ago, Eid salaah is more than just cultural bias. But I could stretching it a bit.

The other side of the argument, and ladies forgive me here, but stop giving so much of a fuck about going to Eid Salaah. Don’t go where you’re not wanted. Don’t start up Facebook groups called hate the penis, we’re going. Instead, find communities that are not inbred and bigoted. Because honestly no matter how many radio shows are hosted, no matter how many verses are quoted or how much evidence is led, some people will only see or hear what they want. Quoting scripture has no advantage because for these people, the mere suggestion that women should be allowed to leave the home and celebrate Eid like the men is an affront to their sensibilities. Its challenges everything they have been raised to believe and accepting that is OK, will shake their belief system.

I hate to say this but being Indian and Muslim is like trying to put a fire out with petrol. On the one side we have Islam, on the other we have this obligation to Indian culture which is more or less centred on the control of women. You can justify anything in terms of God says so and it becomes law if you are selective over which texts you choose to promote.

East London is a predominantly Malay community which means they tend to not beat around the bush and get to the point. To those women who are looking for an Eid Salaah to attend, I would suggest, find a community outside of the traditional, what-will-they-say communities. Some place where worshipping is more important than petty politics driven by small penis syndrome.

The OH

The revolution cometh

2011-08-19T06:14:00.000-07:00

After reading this article from @RubyGold's tweet feed I was appalled to say the least. Beyond the obvious arrogance of government and their basic ineptitude to deliver services or rather allow services for those that can afford it, it has to be asked, how long until the ANC regime is rounded up and executed by its electorate (including me) in a violent revolution.

The ANC is not a party of the people for the people by the people. Its a capitalist and greedy body of pork barrel raiders intent on squeezing as much as they can from the general public as they can.

Statements like those made signify many things. Firstly this government has lost the authority to rule. Secondly the government are using the law to enforce economic servitude. In short they lack legitimacy. And when the people have been squeezed enough and the government cannot take away any more, then people like the honourable Minister is in trouble. Because all those tarred roads will not help.

I don't buy the argument that Government says we built it therefore you must pay principle. As far as I am concerned the government has failed to hold to account the massive irregular expenditure within its own ranks. Tax payers pay for much and government does not deliver and now expects to squeeze more money from the public, for doing its job? Sbu Ndebele needs a reality check. Because it is not the people who work for government but the government who work for the people. The people are entitled to enjoy the fruit of their labour not just prop up professional arse suckers. That's what politicians are. They couldn't lead a prayer nevermind the people.

But rant aside, this sort of behaviour, arrogance will definitely lead to the rise of a dictator. someone who is in touch with the needs of the people. Who will endear himself and be given free reign to rule this country as he pleases. Then you watch the fireworks. The Sbu Ndebeles of the world are privileged and incompetent in their positions. They are kept dogs and will as such snap and snarl to support the hand that feeds them.

The big question everyone should be asking is where all the money is going. Since the Minister has positioned the argument as such, will he be prepared to make these figures available?

I would suggest that gauteng drivers pay the extra 10c and not buy the tag. Give them enough admin, query each charge, and bring legal anarchy to this new cash cow and show up the good Minister for the incompetent, malevolent greedy swine he is. Bring the system to a grinding hault. Use every legal means to tear it down. Registering for the tags will just add to the coffers of some private company. Let them scan your tags and let them bill you. Then query every charge.

Girls who choose boys who like girls like their boys

2011-08-18T11:11:00.001-07:00

When I chose a female lead, an Indian, Muslim woman, divorced and living in Gauteng, as my lead I did it with the intention of questioning our morality. Everywhere you turn everyone has a comment on morality. People are labelled and classed according their actions. It seems almost part of human nature to box people so that our minds are able to make sense of it all.

You have the whore, the drug addict, the wife beater, the alcoholic, the womaniser, the cheat the ... the list is virtually endless. If society has two sets of rules, one for men and one for women, being Indian and Muslim means a different level of enforcement for men and for women.

I thought I knew and saw it all when I developed the character. I didn’t. Because life is not clear cut, a lesson I only really learned in my 30’s. I am ashamed to say I am a late developer in that regard.

Men

Indian men I am ashamed to say missed the memo on the fact that most modern women are not like their mothers. They have jobs, they have minds of their owns and they pretty much feel confident saying no to you when they choose to. Indian men seemed to have been raised to think that having a penis was like being born with some royal sceptre and it entitles us to think for those without the proverbial “rod of knowledge.” Some women like that sort of thing. I once dated a girl who said I would never fit into her family. Men in her family told the women how to dress and how to cook etc. Surprisingly she wasn’t Indian but it was there. She was well educated, an economist. But she still felt obliged to play subservient.

Indian Muslim men though tend to see marriage as a transaction. Admittedly that is a gross generalisation. But most Indian men seem to be believe they are now the proud owner of a vagina and pair of boobs and that useless piece of skin housing the alleged personality. She must do X and she must do Y. If customary practices have become perceived as old fashioned then it’s a short resort to religious injunction. “It says ABCD in this verse of religious text. Therefore you are obliged to perform these as they are your religious obligation.” I have yet to meet anyone who can out argue God. But religion practiced through the filter of cultural and customary bullshit comes out smelling like manure. It’s just a means of subjugation for a culture long overdue for an upgrade and proper application of the collective mind.

The last thing is that most men when they get married want someone who doesn’t threaten their house of cards perception of the world. I see many incredible women who have suffered because Indian man thought he was getting X and instead got something else that made him running into his mom’s apron crying about how the girls were not playing nice with him. Yes you fuckers know who you are. The only problem is that these bullies have somehow come to represent all Indian men which makes me want to take a hammer and go back in time and whack the parents of these pratts on the head at the point when they decided to get naked.

Because by virtue of being an Indian men it is assumed I am looking for a woman who can cook like mom, clean like a made and who fucks like a champ in the dark behind closed doors. In public she will take small steps walking behind me and never looking up and always agreeing with me.

Women

If you’re going to marry for the wrong reasons then guess what? It’s not a marriage and you will come to that realisation sooner rather than later. So that woman who can stand him because he makes her dry heave but can go into self hypnosis because he is all platinum card. Getting married because of external pressure qualifies as wrong decisions. So does putting an expiry date, caste, race, nationality. Basically if it can be lost in this world and it’s a prerequisite, you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself.

The moment someone attaches a cash price to their supposed happy ever after I reckon you’re dicing with your life. Then people are all shocked when cold money and status does not a happy marriage make.

I’m not going to pick on women but suffice to say that everyone has a choice to some extent to be happy. People often lament that divorce is becoming more prevalent, that in the old days couples stayed married for longer. But times have changed and men and women need to change with it. Culturally doesn’t mean diluting your faith with modernity. It means taking it all seriously and making a conscious decision. Not looking at temporary and fleeting aspects and believing it will be sufficient.

My 2c worth. Shallow bastards beware.

The OH

2011-08-14T00:31:00.000-07:00

I am not prone to getting all religious. I find quoting scriptures or inspirational texts kind of douchey. And presumptuous. Even the religious scholars have my very limited attention. Firstly because I feel religion and worship is a very personal thing. I think we should respect everyone's right to worship God in a way that makes sense to them. We can take it inspirational stories but I always remember the paths people travel are specifically for them and no one's life is a recipe for your personal success.

Ramadaan has never been a pleasant time for me. I usually start it off with all the best intentions and then after a week it all goes pear. Or so my experience has been. So at the start of each Ramadaan I sucked up and waited. But its good the last two years where I have felt really blessed. Yesterday was very testing and things didn't happen as I wanted but it did light a fire under me. Sometimes you get what you were expecting and sometimes you get something better for you.

I pitched a movie yesterday and the train smash started from Friday night. I was intimidated by the actual other guys presenting. But you know you're winning your audience when arms become uncrossed, people lean forward and start clapping like you just performed some amazing piece of art.

Writing is my passion. Its my form of expression. I don't profess to be the best writer. There are so many more talented writers out there. But I have this intense goal in my life and I needed yesterday to remind me to push. I knew yesterday that the producers couldn't afford the pitch. It wasn't that it was just over priced and I was being unreasonable, it was just the nature of the story. Hope has been restored and my motivation has been restored as well.

So keep watching this space. This blog is where it all started and I cannot wait for it all to fall into place.

OH

2011-08-13T01:05:00.000-07:00

I like money. I want so much money that a nod of my head can change the lives of people. I also want to have a car collection that would make a rapper envious. I'm shallow like that.

Do I think money is a good substitute for a personality? No. I'm not just saying that. I have been there, had some money, lost it all and spent the last 5 years clawing my way back up. Money is a buffer, people can buy things, but when people start looking at money as something they're entitled to or worse as an aspect of personality I become completely turned off from them. Like can't stand them after that. In my mind I find their thinking to be so primitive and well limited. Its like buying one of those microscopic kits from the toy store. Its merely entertainment. You can't take that seriously. And that is how I treat people easily amused or distracted by trinkets. I sound a little condescending. I apologise but I am noticing a trend, especially amongst Indian people and specifically amongst more and more Indian women. This expectation that they're entitled to...

Maybe Fight Club had it right all along and we thought it was as a product of the US consumer driven society that it would never touch us, but look around. People list shopping as an activity. In the grand contribution to humanity, shopping is the equivalent of the dirt ring around your bath tub after a homeless person has had a soak.

That's just my opinion and maybe I am jealous because I always wanted to define my personality by my sense of bling presence. I could give less of a fuck what people have. I am very happy for people who achieve financial and material success but it pisses me off when folk tend to differentiate themselves and see themselves as special by the size of their bank accounts. Oh look that person is not wearing a brand is a popular joke. But as they used to say in Russia when the Tzars still ruled, "we'll come take our bread from you." OK it sounds a lot more menacing in Russian.

People who cover themselves with the superficial are completely unaware of the world around them. Oblivious. Men and women who choose to only surround themselves with the rich people of this world have nothing to offer me. I have no reason to desire any association.

The OH

Push me, pull you

2011-08-10T10:11:00.000-07:00

Halaal certification has a purpose. It should also have limitations. I have gone on and on about the integrity of certifying toothpicks. But when Madame Butterfly asked me if Nutri B (Vitamin B supplement I take to make the voices in my head sleepy bye) I was quite shocked. I didn't know. It didn't occur to me to check whether it was Halaal.

Anyway at the time I couldn't say for sure so I turned to my trusty friend, Google. This is what I found.

I was so confused. I waited till I got home and Robert is your father's brother, it is halaal. Dear SANHA, you might consider updating your website or maybe letting someone more professional do the job of halaal certification.

ET go home. Seriously, voetsek

2011-08-09T23:37:00.000-07:00

Speaking to Boss as she prefers to be known. Apparently Madame Butterfly was too girly. The effects of too much Beyonce (pronounced Bee Yonkee) on Women's Day perhaps. Anyway, I was just saying that most Indian Muslim people while Mashallah'ring their way through inspirational lectures and conversations do hit the breaks and shriek when there is a convert/revert making advances towards their daughters/sons.

Which lead me to me believe that as a revert I am seen as an alien. You know, spaceman, imagine that coming down and wanting marry your offspring. Shriek!!! See how that happened. No control, it just happened. So I imagined coming to propose and the possible reaction.

"[Shriek] ET is coming for our daughter]

Apparently ET stands for Extra Tamil. Like Extra Hot except spicier.

So let me clear up some misconceptions about being a convert and why you don't need to fear us.

#1 Rumour
-We were sent by Israel to spy on what really happens.
No. Some of my best friends are Jewish :D

#2 Rumour
- We only convert because we want to capture your women.
Yes. Its true. When we left our planet, all our women had taken to leading careers and saying no to sex. We hear Muslim women are still submissive caught in the confusion of Indian cultural indoctrination and Muslimness. 2 Thumbs up.

#3 Rumour
-We only became Muslim so we could find out the difference between Akni and Biryani
Truth is I prefer biryani. The way my mama makes it.

#4 Rumour
- We don't actually become practicing Muslims. We just fuse Islam with our pagan former selves.
Ja, from what I understand, most Indian Muslims do it anyway.

#5 Rumour
-Tamils make blood curry and are over sexed.
Don't know about blood curry. Never seen it or had it for that matter.

*I made up these rumours. You can make up your own.

The Organ Harvester.

Looking for Mr/Miss Perfect

2011-08-07T23:34:00.000-07:00

You have to check out these single females looking for Mr. Right, and single males looking for Miss Right. Muslim singles looking for that special someone. God Bless them, hope they all find happiness. But...

The Guys

Looking for: anything ranging from spouse (READ: Vagina to cuddle up with on cold nights) to 18-20 year old Hafizah. Now I was pretty mature at 18 or so my school reports used to say, but I did some pretty immature things. The most striking thing that catches me is the youth of those looking for spouses. Well there are some old timers looking for mothers and someone to look after them. I apparently didn't get the memo. Maybe I missed the marriage bus because I didn't pick up the cues. Like the guy who describes himself as quite pious who likes reading Quraan and watching TV. Hopefully not at the same time buddy.
The amount of religious propaganda in these bios makes me raise the Rock's eyebrow. I mean besides their professions, their activities which all sound the same, there is the standard "I am a pious guy." theme.
If an alien had to come to earth and try to learn our ways and read that he or she would definitely think that we were nothing more than functional idiots. But I will leave that for my conclusion.

The Ladies

Must be a professional, must be financially stable, must be able to look after me. I can bake. I am pious. I read this list and I realised all that was needed was an Islamic Banking Credit Card. OK so maybe that is a bit harsh. Also noticed the age of some of the contenders.

Let me say that I would probably not pass muster on any of these requirements. Not that I am looking. Just putting myself in the shoes of would be spouses looking for... spouses. For me it all seems a little cold, so clinical. Like everything you have achieved is purely for the purpose of making the product more desirable to a prospective. Kind of like buying a car. Comes with airbags, ABS, ample trunk space and light on fuel. Motorplan include for the first 3 years.

If I ever become to mechanical about something so personal and intimate like marriage then please find me, put a gun to my head and end my so called life. I am glad that I never had any pressure placed on me to get married. My mom still reminds me but there is no pressure to find a vagina for my penis. If that sounds gross I apologise but that is what is boils down to. Who cares about the person, its all about the event, the spectacle, ticking it off your to-do list, achieving the status and looking like a bunny in the headlights afterwards.

I look at those people desperate to find that person and I hope they find their passion and humanity for themselves. And I might sound judgmental but it sounds like they're looking for someone else to complete them rather than looking at what is right in front of them. Happiness is not in someone else's hands, happiness is your hands and you can decide what you want.

Maybe I don't get the cultural significance of pretending to be an adult or artificial status symbols. Hopefully one day when I get married, it will be because I want to marry the person, because I have every intention of sharing my life with the person in every possible way. Not just a vagina.

OH

Ramadaan day 1

2011-08-01T06:30:00.001-07:00

I have been avoiding and sometimes deleting people online that get super religious during Ramadaan. Being a Muslim you expect to fast for at least 30 days every year like how you plan to sip orange juice at a function because people didn’t cater halaal. Its part of life.

I don’t advocate major changes and making grand gestures to show your Muslim-ness. I think it is a sign of hypocrisy. I think you should be humble, keep it personal, not some pageant show for the world to see your alleged faith or whatever you want to call it.

This year I would just like to get through the fast without reaching the last day and feeling like I didn’t worry about myself enough during this time. I was thinking about fasting and I realised its one of the few times when we are forced to be selfish. We are reduced to our base desires and we have to find our own special way of dealing with it.

Hunger, lust, thirst, - all these make us aware of how fragile we are. The beauty of it comes in digging beyond all of these to recognise the humanity in people. Recognising the agony of hunger. Recognising that we are indeed capable of being better than animals.

Off course what do I know. I mean my total experience is about people spending entire salaries on clothing that is meant to show adherence to Islam but with that hint of pimping (By hint I mean the sort of subtlety you would associate with getting hit in the face with a show shovel.)

Last year I had a surprisingly good Ramadaan. My Ramadaan’s go badly most times. And then I give up. Try again next year. Because as old as I am I thought it was all these things talk about. Then I realise that it’s not about whose wearing a scarf or not, or whose wearing kurta or not, who shaves or who grows their beard. Its personal and fasting can mean different things and impact us in different ways.

To however you choose to observe Ramadaan, may you find fulfilment and a better understanding at the end.

HHP

Fuck you Cricket South Africa

2011-07-28T13:04:00.000-07:00

I sometimes watch cricket. But my love for the game disappeared when the team started choking and the politics overtook the on field performance. But their announce on behalf of Wayne Parnell that he had become Muslim actually pissed me off. To be honest, it fucked me off after 10 minutes.

Why did I get pissed off? Because Parnell becoming Muslim should not be newsworthy. Do we have special announcements that AB de Villiers is a Christian? I'm sure the general public would be curious but the CSA's announcement annoyed me. They're always fucking up. Maybe if they concentrated more on the actual game instead of raiding the pork barrel they would be more successful.

But back to the announcement. Is there a level of normal in the cricket team and anyone differing from this needs to make an assuring announcement to the public that deviating from the norm will not lead to deviancy? Will Parnell's religion make a difference to the fact that he is a cricketer? Maybe? Maybe he will leave the game to preach the good word. Who the hell knows.

CSA is a cricket governing body. As long as players perform they have no business in hosting press releases. Maybe I am just sensitive. But its a mentality that there is normal and an abnormal in society. That everything that people cannot understand needs a press conference.

So fuck you CSA. Do us all a favour and actually do your job. Run cricket successfully. Stop looking for attention because things like someone's religion doesn't require a statement you bunch of oxygen thieves.

OH

The pretentiousness of being.

2011-07-24T05:13:00.000-07:00

Forgotten in time was the promise some of our forefathers made, to be so pimped out at every event that envy would be the new black. Have you ever wondered what drives Indian people to be so... full of shit? Everything has to have a wow factor. It has to be competitive and it has to give the illusion of being completely glam with the air of being something you're not.

My sister in law and her equally porcine mother pulled the same stunt at my brother's wedding. But like an ADHD kid suffering from narcolepsy, all her creativity eventually had to stop because she just nodded off. It was the kind of event that a 2 year old wedding planner would have organised pumped up on sugar. But the melted ice cream is not alone. Indian people the world over lose their fucking heads when it comes to implementing what in theory should be simple. So apart from everyone trying to dress up like a bunch of Hip Hop Mogals, it has to be about finding the most stressful way of doing things. Its about being gaudy. Elegance has been taken outside, had her panties ripped off and sodomised and then given two fingers of heroin to ease the pain.

Reading updates on Facebook and Twitter about people getting ready for Ramadaan makes me want to start dry heaving. Because even the act of breaking one's fast has to resemble the treatment of an old tobacco advert. But its not about the preparedness, it just sounds like its a massive competition. Like somehow we're collectively making up for having come here in a ship. Like it wasn't pimping enough.

But what do I know, I like things to be simple and to focus on people rather than the baubles and trimmings. I think I blogged this some time ago, its like people can only define themselves by these events and being a little pretentious. Because they finally get noticed before dissolving into oblivion.

Oh well, that's my 2c worth.

Forgiveness

2011-07-20T13:15:00.000-07:00

I want to be mature and sensible and be that guy who is big enough to forgive. But somehow in previous lives of being the bigger person I seemed to have created the space and filled it up with this overwhelming desire to beat someone to death with a shovel. Sorry that is the only way I know of putting it.

I cannot look past what some people do. I may not be everyone's cup of tea with regard to my demeanor and general behaviour, but good decent people deserve to be protected from the scum of this world. We cannot sit by and watch innocent people fall victim to selfish, sociopathic swines. That in my books makes us complicit in the carrying out their actions. For those with a limited capacity to comprehend words with vowels, complicit makes you as guilty as actually having carried out the act yourself.

So one particular person who only weeks ago pissed me off and whom I swore I would make every effort to make his life miserable was found dead after killing himself. He betrayed and hurt a friend of mine and she is one of those people who are innocent to the world and they should be kept that way because it keeps us heathens in check and gives us hope. So when I said to him, he should kill himself I never thought that would happen. At worst I thought he would have been beaten and stabbed in a random mugging for putting such poison out into the world. To hear he killed himself didn't fill me with anything other than the need to go into wherever people go to when they die and kill him again. I'm sorry I cannot feel sorry for someone so intent on manipulating feelings and having the last say. I am not someone who goes all religious on the subject of suicide. To be honest I couldn't care how people leave this world because there are too many fucking oxygen thieves anyway.

Anyway I am done. I needed to get this off my chest because the anger was like a 2 tonnes weight on my chest. Like my sister in law sitting on my chest reading herself for one of those huge dumps she's famous for on deviant Internet sites. And now I feel a little relieved. I am sorry that in this case I cannot do the right thing. I just can't and I can't do it now.

The Organ Harvester

Words can sometimes say nothing at all.

2011-07-16T10:18:00.000-07:00

I don't send messages asking for forgiveness on auspicious nights. In fact over the years I have come to hate that word only because I have come to view the recycled texts in a suspicious light. Why now after all this time is it important to ask for forgiveness or Maaf? OK so I sound a little bit like a dick, but lets look at elements of a Big Night text message (mobile, Facebook, BBM message etc)
1. Forgiveness
2. Intention or the absence thereof
3. Occasion

Lets walk the back the cat and start with
3. Occasion
Just because its an auspicious night, no need for you to remember to be human because you just realised that God is watching. If you only ever apologise and ask for forgiveness on these events when the collective consciousness is promoting the "event" you my esteemed friend, are a douche bag of the highest order.

2. Intention or the absence thereof

Asking for forgiveness is a sign of humility and humility. But if you intentionally harm someone do you wait till a single point in the year and then blanket apologise like you're applying for tax amnesty? Shouldn't you ask for forgiveness when you do the stupid thing? That's more sincere than this last minute Christmas shopping thing. Secondly if you did something unintentional should you be asking for forgiveness? Its unintentional, meaning its without malice and therefore the "victim" shouldn't be harbouring any ill feelings. FFS!!! Buy a dictionary if you struggle with meaning of the English words in your forwarded message.

Forgiveness

We all need to be forgiven, but when we ask it on a night like this, do we really want it and do we really give it? I know plenty of people who phone and ask and still behave like swines. They do it when they go to Mecca and there is no actual change in behaviour so I ask, is asking for maaf just another dog an pony show?

Conclusion
Sincerity is lacking in most of these messages. I hate receiving them because the people I have in my circle are not douchebags and had they done something to me I would have told them to fuck off. That's just how I roll.
Islamic occasions have been Hallmarked since everyone found a way to access the Internet and own a SMS and WAP enabled cellphone. Remember those dot matric picture messages you would receive before? I suppose its good that some people actually take the effort to, but I won't because if I did ask for maaf from anyone tonight I would feel like a fraud and I would doubt whether you would think I was being sincere. And when it comes to asking for forgiveness I don't want anyone to feel obligated under the threat of eternal damnation. You must want to do it, you must express it in your intention, not duress. For me Islam is a practical religion. Its less magical old man in the sky with long white beard and more honest in its application. I'm too simple minded to understand the intricacies of forwarded messages. I just won't do it. I don't see the point. And I think its slightly retarded. I'm sorry.

make me maaf if anything in this post offended you intentionally or unintentionally.
You're really awesome.
Its not you, its me.
We just want different things.

Getting the picture? I love you all though.

The Organ Harvester

Racist Muslims praying to their own god.

2011-07-13T00:31:00.000-07:00

I want to say I am confident with who I am as a Muslim. But then again feel like a fucking alien most of the time. How can you not, you're freak value.

“Wow, a convert, we've heard so much about you.” “No shoot them in the head. Two bullets!!!”

That's not to say that all view all born Muslims as fucking swines. But I do tend to have my guard up waiting for the comments and the bullshit, idiotic, racist crap.

Yes I am a Tamil. Did the surname give it away? Well how about another give away? My shoe up your ass? That's how I feel. Like committing acts of violence. I want to scream out I hope you all get sickle cell and die you bunch of inbred cunts. I want to jump on the head of every human being claiming to be a Muslim and then hiding behind this village mentality. Why can't they be honest. Why can't they just say in the Masjids and donation sheets “For Born Muslims Only.” “This is not the drags, so take your convert and vaai.”

Its weird how you have all these people crying for the freedom of Palestine and I wonder how they they find an emotional link to people who don't come from their village. Is it the fair skin thing? I often ask myself what these people will do if someone that was white or black had to make a racist remark about these very indian people about indian people, would they call that racism? The fucking audacity.

And what about the masjids? Why haven't I seen the equivalent of the group areas act in the masjid. I mean judging by the way we practice and accept this bullshit mentality, surely it should have come to the masjids, all the people all grouped together according to race and caste and wealth and whatever reasons we have to find people acceptable and unacceptable. But off course no one has the balls to say hey we only want to be shoulder to shoulder with our caste. No one has the fucking minerals to stand up then. But they want to bring that shit when someone dares show interest in their daughter or son. Well to this bunch of racist inbred sodomy loving cock suckers, do the world a favour and swallow a bottle of sleeping pills. You make me sick and you have no place in this world, Muslim or otherwise. You make Muslims feel like second class citizens because their family tree is not a straight stick.

I am sorry if I cannot be polite or understanding. I am sorry I cannot just accept that some people are just different. Why should I be the one to understand? Why should I accommodate insecurities and racism from people too lazy, stupid and inept to understand the religion they claim to follow. They will never understand how people can choose to be Muslim and how we can convert as a conscious decision. And they will never accept us. They will continue to sideline us and make us feel like freaks and I for one and done with the apologising and excuses. My shoe, your ass.

I am not the forgiving sort. I am not understanding. And I don't see why I should be. If you understand your worship to mean bigotry and racism then so be it, but be prepared to suffer the consequences for your mentality.

My Alter Ego

2011-07-12T00:09:00.000-07:00

You wake up and start speaking to your dogs in a strange accent. They look at you like you've gone mad and you look to the heavens saying, thank God its whatever day of the week. I want to walk upright again. Be the bastard everyone knows I am capable of for a good cause. I feel the need to make changes to the way I do things, define myself by changing the rules.

No more Mrs. Nice Guy.

Thanks Mom

2011-07-10T16:17:00.000-07:00

We grew up poor. Not dirt poor, but too poor to be able to hang out and always do what the other kids were doing. At the time it annoyed the fucking hell out of me. I hated God for making us poor and not letting my mom be able to afford all the clothes and cars and spending money other kids had. I had spending money for a few months but my mom couldn't keep up and eventually we stopped getting it. You worked for everything you wanted outside of the norm. I bought my own cellphone after I turned 21. An Ericsson 628.

Today I met a guy that I have known for almost my entire life. Local guy. And I realised how lucky I am. I am not in some forced marriage because I made some woman pregnant (BTW, I am not a father of any kids at all) I am not on drugs or booze and I don't have a criminal conviction. I am not mindlessly drunk every weekend.

Proof once again that the Good Lord gives you what you need, not what you want. I survived being poor and sure I am not rich but I am glad to have clawed my way here to where I am. off course no one does it on their own. There are too many people on the way who saw some potential and I am glad for the chance. But I have to say that I am grateful for a mother who cared enough to smack me for being cheeky when I was young. I might have complained how unfair it all was but my mother didn't feel bad about shit. There is nothing wrong with being poor and complaining about it was a sign of a lack of class in her eyes - *smack*

I am very happy that my life seems to be progressing at a rate and in a direction that I could never have imagined and I am sort of glad that life wasn't handed to me on a platter. Gives you new appreciate.

The inevitable return

2011-06-26T13:25:00.000-07:00

It was bound to happen that living sans mask would bother me enough to don the old, dusty and slightly tight around the midsection uniform and mask set. Blogging under my own name feels tired and well there are things I cannot say under my name. Not because of fear but because it sounds normal coming out of the Organ Harvester's voice. My unmasked face sounds like a dodgy copy of a dodgy copy.

So welcome back. The Organ Harvester lives. The Organ Harvester has risen again and stupidity will be ridiculed.

The Organ Harvester